Congratulations on considering a homebirth! As you know, there are several midwives that serve this area; we range in age, experience level and most importantly, personality and philosophy of practice. You are of course welcome to email me or call me for a chat before we schedule a “consultation”, but this blog post will hopefully help in narrowing down whether or not we get that far!

You may read around on my website as far as experience goes; you may also contact me for the names and contacts of several past clients that would be willing to speak to you about their experience with me as their midwife.

I have a feeling that my “philosophy” rings pretty clear as well, but feel free to ask questions about how things work, or what I think of different issues, etc. All this is really needed to be able to choose the homebirth midwife that is right for you (!), so I certainly welcome questions or discussion that will help you figure this out.

The main thing I would like to address (as it is often the first question asked to me!) is the issue of money and homebirth. I understand that this is an important issue and if you ask past clients of mine, I am very willing to work with your financial situation; whether it be with payment plans or barters or other arrangements.

However, the best experiences I have had thus far with families have been with the ones that I just fell in love with upon meeting them, and vice versa. I knew from the start that we were meant to walk together, and these families have felt the same way. They have expressed their desire for me to be their midwife, and that is always thrilling! But we’re all human, and personalities don’t always click so beautifully. So, when that’s the case, I am always reassured that there is another midwife out there perfectly suited for these families! I truly believe that is the way it works.

So, with that in mind, I ask that we get to know each other a bit–thru phone or email or having a short meeting. It will become clear to you, and to me, that we would enjoy working together! A mutual feeling of love and respect and excitement to begin this pregnancy journey of yours. And when we know that, we can move on to the discussion of how we are going to make this work financially. An agreement that will suit us both and be “worth it” because we know how valuable a good midwife-client relationship is. It affects your overall experience, and mine as well. It makes for the most satisfying birth experience, regardless of the outcome, because of our trust and relationship.

For that reason, I won’t get into any negotiation or bidding wars with potential clients. It’s impossible to do that when the match is right. When the match is not right, or when you may be holding some fears about homebirth in general, money becomes this “front and center” issue. My “red flag” goes up when a potential client tries to talk me down in price because another midwife is less expensive. If price is the only thing that matters, then please, choose the cheaper option. I have no intention of being the “cheapest” midwife around, and that has nothing to do with being inflexible or insensitive. It is because when people are looking for the cheapest thing around, or choose a midwife only because she accepts insurance, they’re not focused on the things I think are so, so much more important.

And if money (or lack of) is the only reason we are going to work together–well, how can that work?

Similarly, please don’t let your first question be “how much do you cost?”. (I realize this can be an innocent, very practical question if you really have no idea how much a homebirth generally costs, but that’s not what I am referring to here.) Anyway, what I “cost” is not a secret, and I am very comfortable with the care I provide for the fee I standardly ask. But really, isn’t it more important that you know if you even want me with you? With you for the next 10 months, as intimate as a family member, with your family at one of the most special and private events that life has to offer?

Money is the way we communicate value in our society. Of course, there are other ways to communicate value, but I do appreciate money and the exchange of money just as much as the next person. But as a potential client, I ask that you take into account some other less practiced ways of choosing a care provider. To me, it’s yet another beautiful way that midwives triumph over the Western medical system of birth. We can actually choose to work together because we think alike, or are friends, or just because we like each other! A choice made purely on money, or insurance benefits, does not apply to me as a midwife serving you. Although, ironically, I will work with virtually any financial situation if you and I really believe in it! Not really the way a doctor’s office, or even that of many midwives work, now is it?

So, perhaps now that I’ve made myself clear, you have a better idea of what would work for your family. A always, if you think I may be the midwife for you, don’t hesitate to contact me. Love and blessings to you!!

All this birth center talk has gotten me to start thinking of the obvious. Yes, a birth center right here in beautiful Sedona, Arizona. This is one of the most popular tourist spots probably in the world; especially for those that favor beautiful scenery and a New Agey sort of vibe, complete with vortexes (not sure if that is really the plural of vortex, but whatever) and all. The main tourism industry here is probably the hotels/spas, so it’s a good guess to say those that visit come to relax, and be pampered. The same ideology could surround a potential birth center. Picture a luxurious yet comfortable birthing suite, in a secluded location with only the best of everything. It may be a place that women would travel to be at, sort of like a really nice, relaxing vacation that also includes having a baby! It’s possible, for sure, as there aren’t many birthing options this far from the big city (we’re about 2 hours from Phoenix). Here, a woman can choose the mediocre small-town hospital treatment (4 OBs on staff) or yours truly if desiring a homebirth..not a whole lot of choice locally. Plus, this is what I consider a pretty conservative place, and although I am keeping my one woman practice in business, I think a birth center would do extremely well. Because the truth is, in my opinion, most women here are not ready for homebirths. In fact, part of my own practice has become consulting and midwifery care for women here that are actually planning hospital births. And these are the perfect women for birthing at a birth center! Those that want midwifery care, but are truly more comfortable either outside their own homes or more comfortable with perhaps the illusion of a birth center being more “credible” or more “medical”. The perfect in- between choice.

So, the idea’s out there…but the implementation? Honestly, I have no idea right now. It’s the kind of thing I’d love to do, and I think pieces will slowly fall into place as the Universe sees fit. It’s definitely something I’d want to do collaboratively as well; ideally, I’d keep my homebirth practice AND still be able to lovingly raise 5 kids! So, yes, Sedona…you shall be home to more birth choices…possibly an amazing birth center that thrives and flourishes in these beautiful Red Rock foothills. Now that the idea has been proposed to Spirit, we’ll see what happens. It may be sooner than I think…..

So, what do I think? Do I Trust Birth?

Yeah, I do have trust in birth-most of the time, the process goes off without a hitch. But, I repeat, that is most of the time. Despite my core of spirituality in birth, I am a realist as well. I have seen freaky things happen. I have had friends whose babies have died in utero. I have been glad for the hospital and doctors I have transported to. I am by no way naive in thinking that birth is perfect, or that birth always works. It is a natural process, like the weather–sometimes things go awry, and a storm or a flood causes destruction.

And as I made this video and became clearer on exactly what I am trying to communicate to all women about birth, I actually got a little bit mad. Because the “Trust Birth” phrase started to sound really rigid, bossy, and I thought “who are these people telling women what to trust in?” Birth is to be respected, not blindly trusted. Or blindly feared. But how is it any better for women to be told what they need to trust over what they need to fear? We need to stop telling women what to do when it comes to birth. Honestly, I mean it, even with homebirth. Who am I to tell any woman that she should just trust birth and have her baby at home? Yes, that is my choice and an appropriate choice for many women. But I am no less rigid in my beliefs, then, than any natural birth fearing OB if I make a one-size fits all statement like “trust birth”. It is not our place to tell women what to do. There is no “right” choice, no “right” birth. Yes, I’d love every woman to bring her baby into the world gently, but that’s not reality.

What is reality and what we should be advocating trust in is this. The inner voice that we all have. Not “birth”, not even blind trust in our bodies or our babies. Yes, these things all work well most of the time but there is no perfect birth system. If we educate and empower women, if we support them to make decisions in love and not fear, then they will be able to accept whatever the future holds. They will have the “right” birth for them; not the one they “should” or “shouldn’t” have. Trusting birth means trusting that the process will go the way it needs to go. Not the way I need it to go, or the way it “should” go–but truly believing that it will unfold and happen as it needs to.

Plus, I have to say that too much mainstream attention to the “trust birth” mantra makes us (midwives) look a little too carefree, in my opinion. I want to help portray the picture of a midwife being educated, intelligent, intuitive; but also a true guardian of mother and baby, with safety and not our egos, being the most important. I fear that midwives are sometimes so unwilling to get into the medical game that it becomes US against THEM, and the ones to suffer that divide are our clients.

Lastly, as midwives, we need to find our own “truth” too. Getting really in touch with our comfort levels about things, how we want to care for women, what our boundaries are. We have to respect any midwife who makes the best choices she can and does the best she can because she knows who she is.

There is “trust: in birth; but it is trusting in the truth that we all possess.

The Birth Movie

“We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It’s that women are strong”. (Laura Stavoe Harm)

The criticism of this quote was that women who have had traumatic births are going to feel undermined and defeated by it. A woman who has had a difficult birth will read the quote and think she either missed what the “secret” was, or that she is for some reason, not strong.

Hmmm. Well, as usual, I have something to say about it.

Let me start by saying that having a birth that is traumatic, or even not what you desired–sucks. That’s all there is to it. What makes a birth “traumatic”, though, really can’t be determined by someone else-anyone else-looking in. Sure, some are more obvious than others. A mama that has her baby die in birth, or who undergoes an emergency c-section–many would agree and assume that those births are traumatic. But there is so much of a gray area. I’ve seen a woman traumatized by her home birth because it just didn’t meet her expectations. And I’ve seen women with interventive hospital births not be at all affected. We cannot make assumptions about what makes a “good” or “bad” birth for another woman.

So, what gives?

The thing is, I don’t disagree with one word of this article. I have felt “traumatized” by a few of my own births, for many reasons and on several different levels. I have felt trauma around other women’s births that I have witnessed. I know that every emotion surrounding these experiences (both mine and the experiences in the other blog post) are real and heartfelt. And my heart goes out to these women that are still holding onto emotional pain.

But I think we create our own reality. We can label our own births whatever we want. And that is what they will be. We are the only ones that have our own “truth” about our experience, and it hardly matters what anyone else says. I can understand being offended by that quote, but my reasoning is not the same. I can only see being offended, if, on some level, you think you really are weak or have your own critical feelings about how your birth went, or what you could have done differently. It is simply the reflection, or the mirror, of self-doubt and self-disappointment that quotes like this may bring out in someone.

This pain is real. But a lot of it comes from outside of us-trying to follow someone else’s “truth” or version of how things should have gone. But I believe that the healing is inside of us. We can’t expect the healing, or lack thereof, to come from a quote about birth, of from what anyone else thinks about our experience. We cannot take one word from anyone else to equal our own truth. Our own truth comes from inside of us, and it is there that we must face whatever it is. Lack of control, disappointment, poor prenatal care–whatever it is that contributed to the birth being the way it was. It hardly matters in the end. It’s your birth, your experience, and your issues to deal with. It’s your responsibility, and for better or worse, you have to own that. Feeling “blamed” or like a “failure” is a label that you accept for yourself; no one else can truly do that. Why would you waste time allowing a static quote from someone you don’t even know to keep you from facing what you really need to face? Why give that quote-sayer the power to determine or criticize your birth experience? You are the only one who can determine if you were “strong”. What if being “strong” wasn’t how you set out to experience birth? What if you birthed with the intention of being open, or loving or intuitive? Who said we had to be “strong”, and then who said we should be disappointed when we didn’t live up to someone else’s expectations? When we take beliefs about birth (or anything) that are not our own, we lose the opportunity to hear our own truth. And then we have trouble dealing with the aftermath of what everyone else thinks, and everything becomes personal.

As hard as it is to accept sometimes, there is only one truth. And that is the one inside of each of us, deep, deep down. If we can hear that voice, and not the myriad of others around us, telling us how to birth or live or mother, then we will be that much closer to self-healing. Having a “conscious birth” does not mean we are in charge of the outcome, or that we can control our experience. But it does mean that we do the best we can with what we’ve got, and look for the truth within ourselves, and not outside. It also means we accept the lessons we are taught, and we attempt to learn from them.

I think this is the message we should be empowering women with as they enter motherhood; traumatic birth or not. Instead of spending precious energy feeling hurt by what others think, we should help women see their own power, whatever that is, and that they truly are the only ones who hold the answers for themselves. What is inside, no quote and no person can undermine. The minute we start looking outside ourselves to see what anyone else has to think or say about our experience, we give away our power. And while we may not always be “strong”, we are powerful.

A bit extra “babymoon” time here before getting back to “work”–and so a few pictures I have been meaning to put up here! I love birth photos; I hope to get better at shooting them and I hope my clients continue to share them with me. It’s so easy to neglect pictures at a birth; I know at my babies’ own births, we have hardly a dozen birth pictures of all 5 of their births put together! And when I am attending births, it’s often just myself and maybe an assistant present, so not a whole lot of extra hands for the camera. Anyway, I hope to add to the collection slowly–so if you are one of my clients, past or present, you are more than welcome to submit photos of your birth experience! They would be very appreciated!

So, because it is interesting to me, and because I see the whole story behind these photos, I am going to share them with you. Thanks again to the clients and their babies that are willing to share these special moments with the world….

Photo #1 is of a newish baby, born at home of course, relaxing in the famed “herb bath”. This babe was born into water, so the repeat sensation of warm, cozy fluid hours later reminds her, I’m sure, of the womb and her gentle entry into this world. It is common for an hours-old babe to open her eyes and really come alive when relaxing with mama in the postpartum herb bath. I provide the organic herbs for all mamas, and she is encouraged to take a daily bath for at least 3 days after birth, with baby, to promote healing for herself and for drying up the umbilical stump very quickly.

Photo # 2 is of yours truly, moments after birthing my daughter Belgium. I love that this photo shows the normal-ness (if that’s a word) of birth. We’re in my oldest daughter’s room, surrounded by elephants and other mural animals. I’m happily naked, having just brought Belgium up to my body. She is happily pink, and surrounded by love and familiarity. This was my “perfect birth”–completely commonplace yet extremely sacred. My midwife friend Diane just watched, and did not interfere or touch or do anything at all.

Photos #3 and #4 show the same baby. I love birth stories-not just for the story of the birth but what came before. Yet another reason that homebirth is so awesome–because it’s not just the birth; the story starts months before. So, the short story is–this amazing mama birthed a 9 lb boy into the water beautifully and naturally. He is/was a robust, healthy baby and you can see that as she holds him, moments after birth. But the longer story is that this was all an amazing triumph for this woman. This being her second baby, she had birthed the first in a hospital after going into labor prematurely at 33 weeks. When her waters opened way earlier than expected, her dreams for a homebirth were lost, and her midwives did not even accompany her to the hospital. After careful attention to diet this time around (and who knows what else), she went beyond her due date this time! She got the waterbirth (that’s her partner supporting her in the pool, behind her) and totally beautiful unhindered birth that she had wanted.

So, that is it for now! More to come hopefully soon. Is birth beautiful, or what?

So much to reflect on this first year. One interesting observation which I would like to explore further is the idea, practice and theory of vaginal exams in labor. I realized in looking back that in attending births this year, I think there were only 2 births where I actually did one. One of these mamas requested it, and the other I was happy to be able to do because it was tricky figuring out what was going on. I don’t say this to brag; in fact, I don’t really know what it “means” since it wasn’t something I planned or really tried super hard not to do. But, having the kind of views I do about birth and labor (and life:) that I do, I actually think it is pretty cool.

However, if there’s credit to be given, it goes largely to the mamas that I serve! They are, as a whole, very aware of their bodies, confident in them and trusting of the process. If there is any other credit to be given, it goes next to the relationship that we establish over 9 months of prenatal care. I believe that these women feel safe and loved, and feel guided (not controlled) by my presence at their birth.

And along those same lines is my developing ability to not just “walk with” but be with these mamas in labor. It is a subtle difference that I am eager to develop and use even further. I have certainly studied how labor looks, feels and sounds from the outside, and that is a definite help in minimizing or avoiding the need for vaginal exams. But more importantly is the spiritual connection to these women; developing a sense for those things you can’t see, feel or hear. Really being that mama in labor, while still maintaining my role as “midwife”. Understanding where she is at because I am there too, in a sense. Connecting with her in an unspoken way, or with her baby, to see what can be gleaned without words. I realize that this is my most valuable tool and am excited to see how it shapes my practice “style” even further. I believe strongly in the didactic skills (such as vaginal exams) and technical tools (doppler, ultrasound) that I have available to me and I do not and will not hesitate to use them when there is a need. And for the record, I think there are situations in birth where vaginal exams, for example, can prove really helpful and be very useful. But perhaps the most skill I would like to refine the most is this developing sensitivity.

That said, it’s not that I think vaginal exams, for example, are evil. In fact, I remember being pretty excited to finally learn the skills needed because the first midwife I apprenticed with never did them. But it was likely there, in her practice, that I began paying attention to other ways to determine where a mama was in labor, or what her body was trying to do. I am greatly appreciative of this training. It is ingrained in me, because of her, that there is no routine. As midwives we must have the skills and know-how. But there is nothing that has to be done or performed routinely on every woman at every labor. I think most midwives I know would “agree” with that statement, yet so many of them do perform vaginal exams at every labor. So, to each her own. Maybe I will have changed my tune by next year, who knows. But for now, it is refining the skills I have to connect with birth on a deeper level and to serve women in a more intimate way.

With that, I must have been pregnant within days. At once, I felt an amazing sense of peace and well-being about the pregnancy and baby. It was my first pregnancy in true and total trust, even though I have been pregnant four other times. With this one, I felt no need for even a pregnancy test. I trusted completely in this soul, and my body and the Universe-for really it is all Divine. The pregnancy progressed wonderfully and beautifully and I never doubted the process. Without “clinical”confirmation of my pregnancy, I allowed my body to just take charge. The first physical confirmation (besides my belly growing!) was feeling Belgium tap/kick as I woke from a dream on December 18, 2009. Because all of my babies have literally been born to the day 5 months after the first kick, I was sure then that Belgium would arrive on or around May 18th.

Whenever I connected with Belgium while I was pregnant, I always got the sense of her being strong and willful, both physically and spiritually. There was also a joyousness which surrounded her, and I planned for her birth in a different way than I had done before. I completely let go of fear. This, of course, is a life lesson but one that I had faced very intently with my previous birth of Rune. After releasing these fears at least several times throughout this pregnancy, I finally felt ready to enter Belgium’s labor and birth with total love. I realized that was just a part of why she was coming to me, but an important part. I also recognized this could be my last, and so I made a promise to labor and birth as lovingly as I could. I could also feel her supporting me, and wanting to come in easily as well.

With an amazing birth of another babe just 4 days prior, I was officially “off call” and ready to give my body the OK to go into labor whenever. I started noticing these flashes of energy around me, surrounding me. Physically, within a day, I started to feel the familiar pressure and heaviness of impending labor. Within the next 2 days, I finished up some lingering prenatal appointments and did as much nesting in the house as is possible with 4 little kids! Mentally, I really felt like would have at least a week of down time. But I could feel my body slowly ignoring that and starting to nudge me in the direction of labor and birth. With the pool just having arrived and picking up a few supplies just the day before, I supposed I was ready!

Tuesday morning, May 18th. Funny enough, I had gone to bed the night previous remarking to Jason that nothing was going on, didn’t seem like she’d really come tomorrow like I had thought! Oh well. Ironically, I woke up on Tuesday just feeling different. I noticed I was feeling some intense low pressure and has mistaken it all through the night as needing to get up and pee. I laid in my bed that morning just feeling it and thinking “this may be the day!”. The contractions didn’t continue as I made my way through feeding the kids breakfast, but I was not surprised to find some pinkish mucous on the toilet paper later in the morning. Hmmmm…….

Still not much going on by lunchtime, but a few contractions sporadically here and there. Jason and I took the kids out for pizza, and even though I was really hungry I couldn’t eat much. I just didn’t feel like it. Jason would look at me knowingly–he’s seen this all before! I knew it was coming but started to feel a little frustrated, like maybe it would begin within the next 2 days. I texted Diane, and just let her know. Jason took the kids to the park and I just felt so tired. I laid down to rest and just tried to relax. Still an occasional contraction, anywhere from every 5 to 20 minutes. The midwife in me getting frustrated that there was no progression! Finally, as I rested there alone I realized what I needed to do. Honor my body. Sounds simple but it can be hard to do. I realized that I had been honoring my body this whole pregnancy, so why would I stop now? It knows what it’s doing, and so does my baby–so why would I want to alter that? I thought of all the midwifey stuff I could do to “get things going”–but I opted out of all of them. My body knows how to birth and does it quite well!

At 5 pm, I was still contracting very sporadically but had a big amount of mucous and then some bright red blood. It was at the moment of seeing the blood that I realized–this was probably not going backwards and Belgium was thinking of coming sooner than later. I called Diane but admitted I didn’t have too much to report in the way of contractions. She said to check back with her in a bit, and when I called her back at 6 pm, things were a bit more established. Contractions about every 4 minutes, but semi-intense and (the midwife in me again) not lasting very long! This particular characteristic would be one that would stick around until almost the very end! In any event, I knew it would take Diane at least 2 hours so I told her I thought she should head up. I figured if we all wound up sitting around tonight looking at each other, that would be the worst that could happened. I also called Sunny to come as we’d need help with the kids once things did really get started. With that, Jason and Egan got to work on clearing out Amelia’s bedroom. and blowing and setting up the pool. During this time, I was trying to make the kids dinner and just clean up. I still didn’t have the sense that birth would be very soon but that it was coming.

Jason put the 2 little ones to bed around 7 pm, and by that time I was pacing around the kitchen island with contractions. Still not lasting very long, and seeming to peak very fast. It was getting difficult and I had to explain to the 2 older kids not to talk AT ALL when they saw me pacing. Not to me, not to each other, not to utter a sound! They both kept asking if this meant that baby was coming, and Egan in particular was very sweet. He was midwifing me as much as a 5 year old boy can, which apparently is pretty good! He kept asking me if he should fill the pool or where I wanted the blue pads. We gave him the job of watching the gate for Sunny or Diane, so he got on that chore and let me be for a bit.

By 7:30 pm, Sunny had arrived and was just helping as needed. I had Jason fill the pool as much as possible and was really looking forward to getting in. I was feeling a bit of pressure but also a lot of thigh pain. That is typical for me in labor but generally is when my cervix is really opening–not really where I thought I was for some reason! I’ve had success checking my own cervix in other labors before but this time I literally could not feel much. Actually, I felt about a centimeter of bulging bag and was pretty discouraged. Oh well, I though. With a fifth baby you could go from 2 cm to birth in no time! So, feeling like I maybe had a while to go yet, I got into the pool. Labored alone there for about 3 contractions, and had the same thought as last labor–I need to move my body and not sit here! It was working fairly well to labor leaning onto the pool from the outside, moving and swinging my hips. I did that for another 3 or 4 contractions and something had to change. I asked Jason to come in an be with me; something I really wanted this time as last time he was preoccupied with the kids (Rune’s had been a morning birth). I just wanted to hang on him and feel him there with me, I wanted to him to rub my back and help me through it! It was getting tough–the contractions were coming like every 2 minutes (although I still felt like there were on the short side!). Jason was a great help to me and I was just overcome with love for this man that I have had 4 other children with! I felt the birth energy rooting me to the earth and the fact that we shared that was really special. I just hung onto his neck and hugged him, kissed him, felt everything open up inside. At that point, it wasn’t so much pain as an amazing energetic force. My legs were shaking and felt like they could not hold me up any longer. There was one contraction that just came and blew me away. I realized that I was starting to push a bit and was blown away by that. Is it time for that already?
The next contraction lasted for a long time. One of those where it is probably two but there is no break! I started to feel just overpowered, the intensity was incredible. Diane still wasn’t there, but Sunny came in and (according to her!) I said the same thing I said to her at the last birth! Which was the typical–can I do this? What’s happening? Of course I knew the rational answer but I needed her to look at me and reassure me! From nothing, things were moving so fast. Without any real monitoring of baby, I connected with her again and knew all was well. She was strong and wonderful and very intent on coming earthside soon.

With the next contraction, I let go of Jason and knelt down on the floor next to the futon bed. At that moment, Diane arrived and my body began to push. It felt so good to bear down; I don’t know how some birthing people advocate “no pushing”! It is a wonderful relief and release, and I really felt confident this time in directing that energy down. I pushed with a bit more focus than I ever had before, and that is probably why I only pushed a few times. I heard Diane come in, and I turned to her, expressing my disbelief that I was pushing already! She told me to just go with my body and so I did. I reached up to feel her head but felt that bulging bag again! I remarked to everyone in the room that I wished my water would break; then took it upon myself to pinch the sac with my fingers. Yay! The membranes released and clear fluid spilled under me. Now I felt her head!

With the next push or so, I guided her head down and out, talking to her all the way. I tried to slow it down a bit, but since that wasn’t working, I tried to support my own tissues with one hand and guided her head out with the other. I had done that in my previous (water)birth, but this was a lot more intense on land. I felt the burning much more intensely, and as her head crowned, it felt like it kept coming! I remarked (I admit in a crude way) how enormous this head was, and begged Belgium to let my body stretch to fit it! I kept my hands there and just let it keep coming. This is my ultimate testimonial to recommending guiding your own baby’s head out! There is such an intimate connection between body and mind and I couldn’t even put into words what I was doing. It was just whatever I needed to do to control the crowning and speed of the birth.

Finally. her head was completely out and turned to Jason, who had not left my side. “Her head’s out–do you see it??” It was pretty dark, but he nodded yes. At that point, I moved from hand and knees to turn and face Diane,who was behind me. I really wanted to catch my own babe,and I knew I needed to be in a different position. I didn’t have another contraction right away so I had time to turn around and supported my self on one knee. I just held her precious head and waited for the shoulders to come. I felt that next contraction coming, and left my hands there so I could support her shoulders in coming out easily. I felt my body open up even more to stretch for those shoulders, and then the familiar and glorious feeling of her body sliding out. I grabbed her gently and brought her up to my body. Kissing and hugging and talking to her–seeing for the first time, in the this realm, her immensely chubby face and head of dark hair. Covered in vernix, she was just about the most perfect and beautiful thing ever. The kids had come in for the birth (actually Egan had videotaped the whole thing, Amelia came in as Belgium “plopped out”- her words:) and we just looked at her. She got pink really fast and cried a bit. Precious, precious little angel girl.

I could not have ordered up a more perfect labor and birth for me–and for our family. It was a very healing experience but at the same time, a very normal, just another day of wonderfulness and love following the Divine. As I do in all my birth stories, I thank not only God, and the Mother Goddess and the Universe in general–but the wonderful souls that have chosen Jason and I take care of them this lifetime. I know that Belgium is no exception to the amazing ones that have come our way already. Thank you, thank you little Belgium Temple Rose. May you live out your soul’s path in this lifetime; gracing all with the love, power and focusedness that you have already. Blessed be.

I received the opportunity to explore these issues on a much deeper level throughout the past week, and I am infinitely grateful for that. It is amazing how, until you are really challenged on an issue, you may think you have it all sorted out! But when it really gets down to it, there is a lot of work to be done and a lot of self-realization to be discovered. In this case, I think my delving deep into these topics has proved beneficial, not only for me, but for the women I serve as well.

So, what place does fear have in homebirth, or midwifery care even? I venture to say it has no place. Sure, there is the idea of having a healthy respect for the processes of pregnancy and birth, and I totally agree with that. But respect is not fear. I argue that fear has no place–there is no situation in birth where fear is appropriate. Now, mind you, this is not a new realization to me but as I said has been tested on a new level. Because I realize that “fear” can take many forms; and I also realize, I am not interested and do not want to engage in any of them. But so many of them, especially in pregnancy and birth, are so prevalent in our society. There’s the fear of having a preterm baby, and then there is the fear of having a postdate baby.
There is the excess amount of information (mostly fear-based) on the internet for anyone to read.

But I realized this week, that when faced with a situation that could so easily become fearful, I have a choice and the mama has a choice with how to engage with each other–and the choices to be made. It’s easy to do–I have seen countless midwives (especially those like me, “licensed midwives”, and I have been tempted as well)–let fear creep in. Whether it is the state regulations that we must follow, or the fact that we don’t want anything “bad” to happen, we compromise our care by allowing fear to be a part of it. But really, it is about education, studying, using our intuitive gifts and acting in love. It is not a blind act of faith but one supported by information from all angles. And, dare I say, Divine guidance.

So, what can be done to educate and help us make compassionate decisions without worrying about all the excess information and possibilities? First, I think we do need to be aware of the risks and benefits of any situation and approach them honestly. For example, with a mama that is approaching the 42 week mark–how is that to be handled?

First and most importantly, a woman in that situation has got to be treated with love and respect. Once again, there is no place for fear as since that will be everyone else’s reaction, she has got to feel some groundedness and understand the reality of the situation (whatever that is) before taking on any kind of powerful emotional energy about it. Next, the obvious must be observed and assessed. How is the baby and her body handling being “late”? What about the dates? Seems obvious, but many, many “late” babies are simply a result of late ovulation. What are the options and why are they being considered? If it is simply a matter of dates and nothing else, or legal regulations, I call that fear. On the other hand, if there is something that does seem like it warrants investigation, whether it be clinical or intuitive (on my end or mama’s end) then I see that as necessitating a fear-less and valid “intervention”.

But even “natural” interventions, such as herbal inductions, for example, can be done in fear. Just because it is “natural” does not make it fear-less, or really any more acceptable. Without reason or indication, it can communicate to all involved that there is a need for something to be “done”–a fear that needs to be addressed.

As the resident “hippie” midwife here in Sedona, I have no problem coming out and saying it. All care in pregnancy and birth, by midwife or doctor, should be done in love and not fear. There are so many opportunities, even subtle ones, where our fear can play a place in decision making and ultimately really affect the mamas and babies we serve. I am learning every day how to be fear-less–I made the promise when becoming a “licensed midwife” a year ago–I refuse to practice in fear. As far as I can see, there is not a place where fear fits into what I do.

There is a place for compassionate, intelligent and intuitive care in pregnancy and birth. We do not control the process, but we do control how we face a problem and how we approach fixing it. When approached from this angle of love, we allow the Divine guidance and protection to become part of our reality-and the solution to whatever it is we are trying to solve.

So, I am starting to get ready for this birth and this new baby. I really am so excited; that never seems to lessen each time and in fact I think I may be more excited each time. I marvel at how each experience is so different. On the outside, things are pretty much the same. I’m as big as I always am, and this pregnancy has been just as easy (if not easier) than the others. Not too much to report in that regard. But what does always change, and this is pretty obvious I think, is just the sense I get from the baby. This one is quite a little warrior princess; I’d say she is the second most active baby I’ve had, and I just get this super feminine energy from her that is extremely powerful. Now that I’ve actually said that, you can certainly laugh if “she” turns out to be a boy!

Yep, this baby knows what she wants. But I’m not completely sure about the actual birth part of it yet. I have given birth in water the last 3 times, but each time I have considered it carefully. For my last birth, I actually wasn’t interested in water, but then a week before I went into labor I changed my mind and overnited myself a birth pool! I just don’t have any really strong feelings about it this time, except for it almost being like a “habit” to birth in the water. Again, for the last birth I wasn’t really digging it for labor as much as I remember doing previous times, but yet when I started to feel his head emerge I literally jumped into the water. I really felt like the old saying, “a fish out of water” and realized how much I depended on the buoyancy of the water to take off some of the pressure of his head and body barreling through mine. I suppose I am likely to feel that way again this time, so instead of having to rush a pool, I think I will just order one and be done with it. I used a “fishy pool” last time, but I think this time I will buy a Le Bassine. They are more expensive, but I had my 3rd baby in one and I have fond memories of that birth. Plus, I figure I can loan it out to clients if they want to buy a liner for it. Double bonus!

So, that’s about it. Time, labor and baby will tell the final story, as I do believe that babies choose their birth path just as carefully as we mamas make all of our choices. To waterbirth or not to waterbirth? That is the question baby and I will have to answer together.